Today, I have been experiencing a lot of introspection about the life of a physical medium—and mine, being married to one. It’s complicated.
I have always had a deep fascination with the paranormal. In fact, almost all of my life I have been affected by, or experienced, the paranormal in some way or another. I am an empath and a sensitive. I am also a telepath. I pick up on emotions and thoughts of others, which translate into how I relate to people around me (on the thoughts side, is usually associated with those with whom I have a deep connection; as for emotions—pretty much everyone I meet or interact with).
I am adopted. My adoptive parents informed me of this when I was a small child, so I grew up with an acceptance and knowledge of this fact my whole life. Up until my mid-twenties, I would have periodic waves of emotion come over me without warning, and instinctively knew that this was linked to my birth mother’s thoughts. On these rare occasions when she would be dealing with her own demons about whether she did the right thing by putting her child up for adoption, I would pick up on these moments of guilt and grief. I knew she loved me, but had to give me up because of circumstances in her own life which were incompatible with raising a child. I’m okay with that. The last time I felt this, it was particularly intense, causing me to stop in my tracks on a busy city street and seek a place to sit while I experienced a surge of powerful emotions. I pushed back thoughts of my own for the first time. “I’m okay, mom,” I intently focused, closing my eyes tightly amid tears and shoving this thought her direction. “I am happy and have a good life. I’m alright. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. You did the right thing!” I felt a sudden wave of relief and joy come over me, and knew that I would never hear from her again. The message was received. And over twenty-five years later, that prediction has held true.
I have seen ghosts; had the spirit of a dear friend use my body to communicate a message to his life partner the night of his death; seen shadows of the dead; had encounters with both good spirits and malevolent entities; lived in haunted houses; and experienced clairolfaction (the ability to smell aromas from paranormal sources) and clairaudience (the ability to hear sounds emanating from the spirit realm). And that was in the years before I met and married Ian.
Now, I am married to a physical medium, and my contact with the paranormal has become turbocharged. Do I wish I led a normal life, like everyone else around me? Yes. But God’s plan for my life is more complicated.
Being married to a medium is a unique life, to say the least. We don’t have the luxury of turning a blind eye to the presence of the unexplained. Sure, Ian can switch his ability off and on at will. But if a dead person or entity wants to get their point across at all costs, that’s going to be felt no matter what (i.e., an intelligent haunting). It’s not just a matter of us suspecting the realm of the paranormal exists—for us, it is actual knowledge. And sometimes, this requires immediate action on our part to address and resolve the situation. I think of it as like being a firefighter: when that call comes in to the station, the men and women dedicating their careers to the protection of others have to jump to attention, get on that truck and put out the fire. We, as a paranormal team, are faced with similar interruptions and calls to action in our daily lives. When a spirit shows up needing help, they are in our home, or next to us in a supermarket, or coming up to my husband while he’s on a break at work…it happens at any time, anywhere (when Ian’s abilities are active). Even when his abilities are switched off for the time being, they can still make their presence known by affecting our environment or moving objects to get our attention. So the firefighter comparison is quite applicable to our lives.
I am very protective of my husband, as any loving spouse is for their other half. We look out for each other, and are sensitive to the other’s needs and safety. If a dead person comes barging into our home and is freaking the fuck out (and yes, this has happened to us…), I jump to attention immediately to remove the person from our home, either by grabbing the sage, guiding them outside and helping them cross over—or in instances where they pose a threat to our safety, by rebuking and banishing them like a homeowner would do with dangerous intruder. These times are stressful and disruptive, but have to be addressed accordingly.
Other times, we have very peaceful and loving interactions, when those we care about (both people and animals) come to visit and share a moment with us. These experiences are positive, warm and welcomed. Sitting and talking with my late husband, Jeep, or others whom I have loved in my life and have passed on, are enriching and fulfilling times. When Jeep moves a Christmas bear around the house to let me know he is here, it is absolutely lovely and brings me joy. It gives me a chance to hug a stuffed toy with a smile (something adults just don’t allow themselves the opportunity to do as much as we could). I have also experienced great closure in my life with those I have lost: loves, my mother, dear friends, grandmothers and relatives, dogs and cats…I have been able to tell them I loved them and experience their love back, share forgiveness if needed, learn from them, and have the actual knowledge that they are in a place of love and joy. That means a lot to me.
I have also grown spiritually as a result of my relationship with my husband and his abilities. I have learned that death is so much more complicated than most of us realize. It can’t be confined into the trappings or strict interpretation of social norms and ideas, religion, grief or denial. Some people experience a release of their soul into the afterlife and into the arms of God and those who love them and whom they love. Some people stick around to work out things they left undone and to watch over those still living. Some do both—go to Heaven and back at will like the angels (isn’t that cool!).
But there is also a more unsettling side to death as well, where individuals can be trapped in their death state if they are unable to accept their death and the circumstances around it. Not everyone is able to fully come to terms with how they leave this world, and that can affect how they deal with a sudden transition into their spiritual form. I wish it was as simple as “we die and go to Heaven”, but that’s just not always the case. As I said before, it’s complicated. And having this knowledge as a living person, and be called on a dime to help transition a stuck spirit, is not always the most comfortable and convenient way to live. Life—and death—can be very cumbersome for a medium and those who have dedicated their own lives and hearts to them in a relationship. We have an entirely different set of rules to live by.
Going through every day in blissful ignorance of the realm of the paranormal is just not something mediums and their spouses can afford. Like in “The Matrix”, we have taken the red pill. And once you do that, nothing will ever be the same again!
One thing I can say for sure, is that I have a much deeper relationship with God, Jesus Christ, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God, and angels and archangels than I ever dreamed possible. As life on this planet is made so diverse and intricate by our creator, so is the life that cannot be seen by most: the afterlife. It has just as many complexities and lessons as the physical world. Which makes my own life—that of being married to a man with one foot in the world of the living, and the other in the realm of the dead—a very complicated and ever evolving one. The red pill has opened my physical and spiritual eyes, and has released the floodgates of probabilities, problems, and possibilities. I, by proxy, have each of my own feet in the opposing realms. It wasn’t something I chose, but something that is required of me. And I’m okay with that.
My dear friend Ralph, who passed away recently (I was his death doula), always told me when he was living: Be in the NOW. Accept what IS. Live in the MOMENT, and not the future or the past. Because the NOW is all we really have—appreciate every minute, for nothing else is guaranteed. And how absolutely right and wise he is!